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Oct. 23rd, 2009

I'm not wrong! It's all the eatters who have it backwards. The whole process is painful and discustiong- it is an addiction I want to be free from. I hate the constant obsticules and ridiclaytion_ Just support and love me for me...help me be me--
Another family dinner behind an empty plate--- yet I'm still so fat.
I am so close to ending it...it all seems so hopeless and I try to be optimistic, but I can't seem to bring those rose colored glasses that make me live in denial back. Maybe that's good, to see this crappy world for what it is, and to know that I will never be what I want to be, and there is no point to fight cause there's nothing to fight for. I just need to dissapear so my family won't have to pretend to feel bad. I can't handle this anymore, I'm fat, ugly, messed up, and all alone. I can't have friends or a bfriend bc I hate food and won't eat it, or need to throw it up if I do-so I just don't eat.... But I am still fat! So I'm embarrased to be in this body plus my face is ass.... What's the point, really? For the chance of it turning around? I've been like this forever, why would my life become good all of a sudden?


So I have to go to my families for Easter dinner.....but I can't eat! My bro's already said I'd better eat, I don't know what to do. It's stressing me out, I've even tried eating fruit to see if I can fake it, but I just get sick, not to mention fatter. I don't know what to do, I want to see them, but the stress is killing me! The best I can think of is to say I'm on a cleanse and just deal with the grief I get.
Make it stop!!!!



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